GPS TERROR
"TURN RIGHT," INSTRUCTS THE FEMALE VOICE, BARKING THE DEMAND FROM WITHIN A HARD PLASTIC BOX, SMALLER THAN AN ETCH-A-SKETCH.
THE THOUGHT OF USING GPS, GLOBAL POSITIONING SYSTEM'S TECHNOLOGY IN MY CAR HAD SCARED ME, NOT BECAUSE OF THE UNFRIENDLY VOICE, BUT BECAUSE I FELT A PUSH TOWARD BUYING INTO GPS, DESPITE MY TREPIDATION OF NEW TECHNOLOGY.
GPS IS NEW ENOUGH IN MY OPINION THAT I DID NOT REALLY SEE MYSELF READY TO ENTERTAIN THE THOUGHT OF HEARING A FEMALE VOICE BARKING ORDERS IN MY CAR. "TURN RIGHT, DUMMY. YOU DROVE PAST THE TURN, MAKE A U-TURN." I WORKED ON ANOTHER EXCUSE FOR KEEPING GPS OUT OF MY CAR. SQUINTING AT A TINY SCREEN MIGHT DISTRACT MY ATTENTION FROM MY HABIT OF LOOKING AT MY REAR VIEW MIRROR. I LIKED LOOKING INTO THE REAR VIEW MIRROR…ACTUALLY HAD MADE A HABIT OUT OF TRYING TO SEE WHAT’S GOING ON BEHIND ME, BUT MY FAMILY INSISTED I COULD BENEFIT FROM GPS. THEY DID NOT LIKE THE WAY I’D STUDY MAPS IN MY CAR; ONE HAND ON THE WHEEL, THE OTHER HAND FOLDING THE NON ESSENTIAL PARTS OF THE MAP, THEN PROPPING IT UP ACROSS THE STEERING WHEEL, TRYING TO READ THE SMALL PRINT.
MY WIFE AND OLDEST SON PUSHED FOR A GPS, SAYING THE TECHNOLOGY WOULD HELP US ON TRIPS. I THINK THEY WERE HINTING ABOUT USING GPS FOR A SPECIFIC TRIP TO SAN DIEGO FOR MY NEPHEW'S WEDDING. THEIR CONSTANT ATTENTION TO GPS BROUGHT ME TO WHERE I HADN’T BEEN…..I TOLD THEM I’M WILLING TO CONSIDER GPS, THOUGH I GOT THE DISTINCT IMPRESSION THE FAMILY DECIDED ALREADY ON GPS.
THE OLD DAYS OF MY WIFE AND I TRAVELING ON THE ROAD WITH A MAP TO SUCH PLACES AS COLORADO , CALIFORNIA , AND TEXAS , WOULD IN THE FUTURE BE SUPPLANTED BY A GPS SYSTEM ON THE DASH. BUT BEFORE I’D STEP FOOT IN A RADIO SHACK, I’D TELL MY KIDS STORIES OF HOW I'D MAP OUT THE NEXT ADVENTURE ON THE BED OF ANY HOTEL OR MOTEL WE STAYED THAT NIGHT. MAYBE I’D GARNER A VOTE FOR THE OLD WAY OF DOING THINGS. I JUST DIDN’T RELISH CHANGE FROM SOMETHING I KNEW HOW TO DO TO SOMETHING I DIDN’T. I COULD EASILY DETERMINE THE BEST WAY TO GO FROM POINT A TO POINT B, THE HOTEL TO THE NEXT DESTINATION. BUT MY NOSTALGIC TRIP RAN OUT OF GAS RATHER QUICKLY WITH THE BOYS. THEY WERE NOT SO WILLING TO HEAR DAD’S MAPPED OUT ADVENTURE STORIES AND REMINDED ME OF DEEP DISCOUNTS ON GPS SYSTEMS, THIS BEING THEIR CALL TO ACTION, IN OTHER WORDS, "GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND BUY A GPS SYSTEM ALREADY." THE YEARS OF RESPECTING THE MAP READER IN THE FAMILY WERE OVER…..A NEW DAY ARRIVED….AND THE KIDS CALLED IT…GPS..'GO PAY STEW.'
Joe Cicero Weekdays 5a-10a
